A Tale about Detoxing

This week the hubby and I have really been focusing on our health. Since the arrival of our tot, we have discussed our eating habits and our overall health which led us to acknowledge that we need to direct our lifestyle down a healthier path (especially after living off fast food during the majority of our kitchen remodel). So, in order to jump start these healthier versions of ourselves, we decided I talked Jake into doing Dr. Oz's 3-Day Detox.

A breakdown of the ingredients and drinks are shown in the image below. Basically, you're supposed to have 4 "drinks" per day along with vitamins and a cup of green tea every morning and a detox bath at night. Right off the bat, Jake refused to do the detox baths (something about how his jolly green giant man body wouldn't fit into our bath tubs - whatever). Monday night after work I headed to the store to pick up our supplies. Let me just go ahead and warn you in advance (in case you're thinking to yourself that you, too, would like to rid your body of all of its toxic properties) that this cleanse is NOT cheap. Or maybe it was just me. I did get pretty distracted in the bath aisle, and I may or may not have bought a few too many different kinds of epsom salts, essential oils, and other smell good items. Clearly, I am just in this for the baths.

More information about the Dr. Oz 3-Day Detox can be found here. 

Wednesday morning came, and I woke up extra early to make our morning smoothies. I was excited (mostly because I had the day off work) and was ready to get this show on the road! I threw all the ingredients in the blender, mixed them up, and then put in my spoon for an official taste test. Not bad - a little tart for my taste - but the fact that I had to chew the flax seed nearly made me gag. It was like someone had mixed sand into a perfectly good smoothie. Jake didn't say much as he drank his so I took that to mean that he was less than impressed. Since he was off to take Tay to the babysitter and then to work and I had an appointment with my chiropractor (my old lady hip was out again), we took our green tea to go. It was yummmmy. I was secretly hoping that I could just drink the tea instead of the shakes, but after some Googling I found out, you can't.

After I was adjusted, I headed home to "lie flat and ice" (per the doc's instructions). Jake came home early for lunch which was great because we were both starving. Okay, not starving but we were both ready to ingest something - anything at this point. A friend of mine who had recently done this detox advised me to juice (rather than blend) the lunch drink. So, I dug out my juicer and added the celery, cucumber, kale, apple, pineapple, and lime. I transferred that juice into the blender and added the almond milk, coconut oil, and a handful of ice cubes (because we quickly learned from the breakfast juice that these drinks are not good warm). After blending it all up we were amazed at how much we ended up with. Each of us had a full 20 oz. tumbler, I sent another full 20 oz. tumbler with Jake to work, and I had a large mason jar full. And it was God-awful-terrible. We both had to choke it down. We were nearly detoured from this experience completely after the lunch drink. But, Jake had to get back to work, and I was ready for a long nap (my hip was nice and sore after all the prepping and cleaning up for our lunch drink disaster).

Post nap, I decided to get up and prep the rest of our drinks for the remainder of the detox. I had to return to work the next day, and there was no way I would be able to prep all the fruits & veggies, make our breakfast and lunch drinks, and clean everything up before work. So I chopped and measured the fruits & veggies for each drink and put them into freezer bags. Then I labeled the bags with the additional ingredients that needed to be added prior to throwing them in the blender. My advice - DO THIS! Take an hour to prep your food and then freeze it. The drinks taste so much better when they are cold! I cannot even emphasize this enough. Warm juice drinks are disgusting. I just had a flashback to my juicing days where many a warm juice was drank, and then I threw up a little in my mouth. So gross.

That evening, I was still pretty sore, so I decided to take the detox bath prior to having my dinner drink. The bath was, of course, wonderful. I could definitely do a detox that consisted only of bathing and drinking green tea. My sore and achy muscles were in heaven for 30 minutes while Jake must've been in pure hell as Taylor screamed the majority of the time I was in the tub. Meh, better him than me! ;c )

My bliss quickly ended upon preparation of the dinner drink as I was super hungry and worried that dinner might be just as nasty as lunch. Thankfully, it wasn't. In fact, it was the best-tasting drink we had had so far! My faith was renewed. I could do this. Day 1 down and only two more to go.

Day 2 started much better thanks to my prep the night before. I woke up 30 minutes early but didn't need near that much time to throw my frozen bag of goodies in the blender, add some flax seed and almond butter and hit the switch. And while the hot water boiled for our tea, I was able to spend a few extra minutes playing with my sweet baby (rather than hitting the snooze button for the fifth time). I felt good (which could be because I laid in bed all day prior and took two naps which hasn't happened since...college?!), but that quickly subsided a few hours into my workday when a horrible headache presented itself. The lunch drink (which was better today since I cut the amount of kale and cucumber in half) made my headache better, but I still felt out of it. I kept telling myself, You're halfway done. Just hang in there.

So, I sucked it up and made it through the remainder of the work day. When I arrived home, my headache suddenly got worse and my throat started to hurt. At this point, I knew that my symptoms were no longer cause by the detox. I was sick. So, the hubby and I decided to stop the drinks and eat real food. We both devoured some Chipotle, I downed some Nyquil, and we both went to bed early.

I woke up this morning with a horrible cold and my throat was on fire. Awesome. Needless to say, the detox was over. We gave it our best shot but, unfortunately, my sickness won out in the end. You win, germs. We've both agreed to keep taking the vitamins and have at least one drink a day going forward. And, of course, I'm still game for the tea and baths (surprise, surprise). Overall, I wish we could've continued, but I'm not heartbroken that it's over. I'm sure I'll try it again at some point but, for now, all I want to do is rest and drown myself in Nyquil and Airborne.

I have noted a few warnings, disclaimers, and some advice (if you'd call it that) for any of you thinking about trying this detox yourself. Although our tale didn't end successfully, that doesn't mean yours won't. The silver ling is that Jake lost four pounds and I lost three. In a day and a half. Awesome.

ADVICE / WARNINGS / DISCLAIMERS:

*  I am not a health professional and I have never claimed to be one. This post is merely our experience. All statements written herein are meant for entertainment purposes only; however, if you would like to do the detox yourself, please consider my advice. But don't throw dog poo on my doorstep if you don't like it. It's just advice. Take it with a grain of salt, huh?

*  When I said that I was "starving" on day 1, I wasn't actually hungry (but I didn't realize it at the time). My body was just DETOXING all of the crap out of my system making me think I was hungry. Don't listen to it, you'll be fine. Just don't cave.

*  If you get a hunger sensation, drink more water. It really does help. However, that will cause you to have to pee. 

*  And you will pee. A lot. Like every half hour a lot. I told Jake this was as close as he was ever going to get to understanding pregnancy. 

*  You will immediately crave whatever delicious food product they are advertising on every commercial. I spent the first day at home lying in bed which proved to be a huge mistake. I needed human interaction and distraction. The TV was not my friend. I seriously considered punching it at one point.

*  If you are like me, you may learn that all the benefits in the world will not make you enjoy the taste of a green smoothie. But you can force yourself to choke it down while reminding yourself how good you're being to your body. Seriously, that's the only way I got through lunch every day.

*  Don't be afraid to modify your drinks a bit. I follow rules to the T, but even I couldn't follow these instructions. The lunch drink makes entirely too much and sometimes I just needed to add more berries. Do what you need to in order to be able to drink these beverages (aside from putting a Kit-Kat in them, Jake). 

* I was never hungry enough in the afternoon to drink the "snacks". Perhaps that's because it took me so long to choke down the lunch drink or perhaps its because I was too lazy to make a third drink every morning. Regardless, I never had them and I never felt like I needed one.

Best of luck to any of you that are willing to try the detox yourself. I want to know your results! Oh, and please feel free to share any tips/ticks that you find helpful (in case I decide to give this a whirl again in the future). Cheers!