I tend to get bored with routine - the same thing day-in and day-out. The monotony can be so overwhelming at times that I feel like I have to make a change right then and there or I may explode. I used to feel this way about all aspects of my life, but, lately, I just have this feeling in regards to my job.
It's just that. It's a job. I don't love it. I don't hate it. Is there something better out there? I'm sure of it. And about every six months or so, I decide I've had enough of this same old song-and-dance and I'll attempt to break out and find a new career path. But the first sign of disappointment or rejection typically sends me back to my comfort zone. And then I start justifying why I should just stay where I am: the pay is decent, I have a great boss, I've been here long enough that I'm finally starting to accrue some decent PTO. Blah, blah, friggin blah.
But it isn't long before I begin to feel anxious again.
I get that security is something we are all looking for and, as my logical-minded parents always say, "if you're lucky enough to find a good, steady job, you should stick with it." Clearly, my parents aren't much on dreaming.
But shouldn't a job that you spend 1/4 of your life doing bring some sort of joy? Shouldn't it fulfill some sort of desire or dream? Sitting at a desk for nine hours a day paying other people's bills and proofreading documents doesn't exactly make my heart flutter, and, most days, it's just downright boring. The only thrill I encounter is our daily gathering around the water cooler (yes, this actually happens in the work place) where I can have some real, human interaction (most of my days are spent communicating via e-mail and telephone, so seeing a person - other than my boss - is quite arousing). Sad, I know.
Yet I've realized that the majority of adults are faced with this same problem. Life happens and we become so reliant upon a steady paycheck that we sacrifice our dreams for the ability to just get by.
I am constantly going back and forth.
Should I look for a new job?
What if I leave and my new job is worse than the one I currently have?
What if I don't like my new coworkers?
Then that typically leads to:
What if I just started my own business?
What would I even do?
How does a sole business owner pay taxes?
Would I even be profitable?
Can we afford not to be profitable while I figure it all out?
These are the things that I lay awake at night thinking about. Over. And over. And over. It's enough to make a person go insane.
So I stay in the same place, on the same road to nowhere. Don't get me wrong, my job is fulfilling in many ways. I still feel satisfaction after completing a big project or seeing my hard work unveiled right before my eyes, but there is never a real passion. That driving force that compels people to follow their dreams just isn't there.
It's like I'm stuck.
And part of the problem is that I'm not really sure where I want to be or what I want to do. I've always viewed "work" as molding your talents and interests into something that can turn a profit. That's the point, isn't it? To love what you do and do what you love? *insert Alan Jackson song here*
I guess I just haven't figured my path out yet. Or maybe I never will. Maybe my lot in life is to push paperwork and sit behind this desk.
Or maybe I just need to be patient.
I guess only time will tell.